Dec 23, 2010
My Hollow Heart
About 8-9 years ago, my brother and sister had a falling out and, because I was usually put in the middle of such battles, I decided this time I would back off and be neutral. Although I wasn't that close to my brother, I didn't want to lose any of my family by taking sides. What I didn't realize was that in not choosing, I was seen as a traitor by both and even the relationship I had with my parents suffered.
As the years have passed, I've had a so-so relationship with my brother, only speaking when absolutely necessary and have been somewhat distant with my folks. But with my sister, I'm still shunned and pushed away. There has been very little conversation or correspondence and even that has felt stressed--like walking on egg shells so not to break something that is already fragile.
Most of the time I can put my feelings aside and try not to think about it, but at Christmas I tend to feel more of that hollow place in my heart that aches so deeply.
I miss my sister.
I've tried everything and I'm still not allowed to be a part of her life. What I wouldn't give for a loving and forgiving family that could come together and just be happy. Instead, I find myself feeling very empty and alone.
So, for those of you who are spending the holidays with your family, give thanks for those around you. Hug a little bit longer, laugh a little bit louder and forgive everything. Life is too short to hold onto something that only brings us pain.
Merry Christmas to all my friends AND FAMILY, wherever you are.