My friend, Ali Cross, has been encouraging me to pick a word to be the theme for my life for this new year. I've had several roaming around in my head over the past couple weeks, but the one I kept coming back to is "Unconditionally".

The word can mean so many different things to different people, but for me it means being open to not only receiving love from others, but being willing and ready to give it without expecting anything in return. To love unconditionally. To serve others unconditionally. And most importantly, to love myself unconditionally.

That means not making excuses--not blaming my limitations for the reason I don't succeed when I know full well that I can achieve anything I set my mind to in spite of them.

I came from a childhood, and later my entire adulthood, where those who should have loved me unconditionally, refused to accept me as I was. Instead, they constantly put me down and expected me to be someone I wasn't, and gave me the overwhelming desire to be loved unconditionally. I was never good enough. It didn't matter what I did, it never measured up to their expectations.

Honestly, as bad as that sounds, it made me a stronger person and gave me the tough skin I needed to survive. A shy, scared inner child who put up walls for protection, now stands up for herself--a warrior who recognizes crap when she sees it and calls it out to battle.

So, "unconditionally" has meaning to me. More so than anyone could ever imagine. I will work on loving myself this year. Putting ME first only after God and my Savior. Finding the good things in others, instead of their shortcomings. And finally, being the eternal companion my husband deserves and mother my son so desperately needs.

Hello, out there!!

I can't believe I've been MIA for so long. It's frustrating for me. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for my readers--to fall in love with a series of books, then have the author fall off the edge of the earth and not write anything else. 

Well, that's over. I hope!

I've been working on my next novel and would like to share a little blurb about it. Here ya go:

AQUATARA

Book #1 in the Spirit Hunter Series

Alone and dying in the middle of the desert isn't the best time to discover you might be a mermaid.

Seventeen, and armed with the clues from a single photograph, Tara sets out on a journey to discover who she is - or rather, what she is. After crashing her motorcycle in the Nevada desert, nineteen-year-old construction worker, Quinton, comes to her rescue. Together they uncover the startling secrets of Tara's past, and reveal the frightening truths that threaten her very life. But it's not just Tara's past that holds its secrets - Quinton's own heritage puts him at odds with his father, a Hunter, sworn to track down land dwelling water spirits like Tara and return them to the sea.  

 Refusing his birthright as a Hunter, Quinton will defy his father and do anything to protect Tara - even if it means risking his life in the frigid waters of the Atlantic.

Let me know what you think. I hope to have it out this summer. (fingers crossed)

It's been over a year since I posted an update. The time has gone so quickly and with little or no progress in the writing department. I keep telling myself it will come in time, but the truth is I'm still struggling to find that passion I once had--that drive to tell the story that's in me. And I have stories. Lots of them. I even have two books completely outlined and half written, but when I sit down at my computer . . . NOTHING. It's like my brain completely freezes up and I can't think of a single sentence to put on the page. It's so frustrating.

I sooo wish I had better news, but for now I guess the possibility of a new book being on the market soon is pretty slim. That being said, I will continue trying.

Man, I miss being in the writer's loop. I miss my author friends and corresponding with my wonderful and loyal fans. Let's hope 2018 brings me closer to finding my muse.

Hugs to all.

Muse on Vacation

I have to first apologize to my loyal fans that I haven't published anything new. I'm just as frustrated about it as you are--even more. It's embarrassing. What kind of author doesn't write or produce something of value--anything?

It seems my muse has been on an extended vacation and I'm beginning to worry. It's been over a year since I was able to write anything significant. I sit at the computer and stare at the blank screen where my words should be, but nothing comes.  It's strange, too. I mean, the book I'm working on (or supposed to be working on) is completely outlined and over 1/3 of the way written. I know every chapter and even how it's supposed to end, but still . . . nothing inspires my fingers to move across the keys.  Just writing this blog post is a struggle--been over a year since I did even that.

So I'm desperately sending out this plea to family, friends, fans and anyone reading this, to please send some positive vibes my way.  Any prayers would also be much appreciated.

Anyone else have trouble controlling their muse? How did you finally break the silence and lack of inspiration?

When Trust is Broken

A couple weeks ago I started searching for someone to mow our rather large lawn and possibly to take on a few small repairs around our property. There were several big outfits that sounded good, but my husband and I have always tried to support the little guy and help those just starting out. We were there once with our restaurant and appreciated the support from others, so try to pay it forward.  So, when I found a couple guys in their mid-twenties who were trying to support their new families with their new business, I took a leap of faith.

Their initial work was impeccable. Within a few days the place was looking great and their prices were reasonable. But the best part was that it freed my husband from one of the many chores he does along with working a lot of hours at our restaurant. Win. Win. Right?

WRONG!

Last week I asked these men if they'd be interested in repairing and painting our deck and painting the trim on our house. They were thrilled for the work, but asked if I'd mind paying them in advance so they could get a few supplies and such.  It should have been a red flag, but my trusting soul handed them a check.  They did come out the next day to start on the deck, but didn't follow any of the guidelines from the paint manufacturer. Didn't use the deck-wash we bought. Didn't use the power sprayer we left for them, just did a little sanding on the rail and threw a sloppy coat of paint on PART of the deck and then left.

It's been a week and I haven't heard a word. The owner's cell goes straight to voice mail. The check was cashed. And nobody showed up Friday for the scheduled lawn care.

Above and beyond the financial aspect of this transaction is my broken heart. I really liked these guys. One even showed me a picture of his sweet twin girls and spoke of how much he loved them. I trusted them completely and that isn't easy for me to do.

So, what's next? Do I just wait and see if they call with some excuse about an emergency and that they couldn't call me because they had no cell service? Do I give them another chance? I'm pretty sure I'll never see that money again, but do I trust someone else to do the work and pay AGAIN to have it done right? Or do I add even more pressure to my husband and expect him to fix this mess? It's been weighing so heavily on my mind and heart that I actually had a panic attack yesterday. Haven't had one of those for years.

So, dear reader. What should I do?