Jan 3, 2020

My friend, Ali Cross, has been encouraging me to pick a word to be the theme for my life for this new year. I've had several roaming around in my head over the past couple weeks, but the one I kept coming back to is "Unconditionally".
The word can mean so many different things to different people, but for me it means being open to not only receiving love from others, but being willing and ready to give it without expecting anything in return. To love unconditionally. To serve others unconditionally. And most importantly, to love myself unconditionally.
That means not making excuses--not blaming my limitations for the reason I don't succeed when I know full well that I can achieve anything I set my mind to in spite of them.
I came from a childhood, and later my entire adulthood, where those who should have loved me unconditionally, refused to accept me as I was. Instead, they constantly put me down and expected me to be someone I wasn't, and gave me the overwhelming desire to be loved unconditionally. I was never good enough. It didn't matter what I did, it never measured up to their expectations.
Honestly, as bad as that sounds, it made me a stronger person and gave me the tough skin I needed to survive. A shy, scared inner child who put up walls for protection, now stands up for herself--a warrior who recognizes crap when she sees it and calls it out to battle.
So, "unconditionally" has meaning to me. More so than anyone could ever imagine. I will work on loving myself this year. Putting ME first only after God and my Savior. Finding the good things in others, instead of their shortcomings. And finally, being the eternal companion my husband deserves and mother my son so desperately needs.

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