Oct 17, 2012

"Dear Me" . . . Get Over It!

Before I was married, my best friend and I took guitar lessons and after we got to be pretty good we started singing at weddings and small church settings. She was a wonderful singer, always took the lead. I sang the harmony. The quiet voice in the background. At first it was hard and took a lot of practice, but after a while I received many compliments and the two of us performed a couple times a month. I loved music, even wrote several songs.

Then I started dating. One weekend my boyfriend and I drove to my sister's house to help them move. That evening I got out my guitar like I always did and sang a few tunes for my niece and nephews. They loved music as much as I did. One of the songs was by an artist named Sylvia--"Snap Shot."  When I finished, the kids clapped, but was a little confused when I heard my boyfriend laughing. He blurted, "You sure don't sound like Sylvia."

I was crushed.

That was the first time he'd ever heard me sing and I don't think he meant to hurt me. Since then he's apologized a million times, but I remember the way it felt and I can't seem to get past it.

As you may have guessed, I married that man, but please don't think badly of him. He's a wonderful husband and father and has never said anything else to bring me down or make me feel less than wonderful in his eyes. But his words still sting whenever I think about singing in public. We've been married for over 27 years and I've never played my guitar in front of him and never sang around the house when he's home. Not even a hum. In fact, I sold that guitar a few months ago. Sadness.

Fast forward to this morning when I opened an email asking me to join the choir. I should say no. That would be the easy thing to do. I'd be off the hook then. I have nothing to prove.

But if I say yes . . .

It will mean stepping outside my comfort zone. It will mean believing in myself. Surely I'll break out in hives before I even take the stand.

But it will also bring me great joy and be so worth it when I do this one thing for ME and love myself for being brave!!!


*Who's holding you back and why are you letting them?


  1. No you do not sound like Sylvia because you forgot at that moment that you are NOT Sylvia.. you are you. Step from your own comfort zone. Read, write, sing, dance, do something different each and every day and see how amazing you are just as yourself.

    1. Thanks, Debie. It's taken me a long time to realize that I can't compare myself to others. I need to be my own, unique person and relish in that.

  2. Well of course you know I think you should totally go for it! I'm sorry you had that experience. My voice professor at university told me I had no talent and I should just quit singing. Of course I had to audition to get into the program but I STILL believed her. I was crushed. Dropped out of music and didn't sing at all for three years. Then I said, screw her, and auditioned for the local opera company's chorus. From there I went on to perform principle leads so . . . what did that stupid voice prof know, anyway?! So glad I got over it and sang anyway ~ I can't imagine my life without music.

    Can't wait to see hear how awesome singing in the choir is!

    1. I've heard your voice and it's spectacular. I'm so glad you didn't listen to that stupid judge. I hope I can be as brave as you were.

  3. Once when I came out in a new dress that I loved, my dad told me I looked like a sack of potatoes in it. Ever after I was worried about what I wore in front of him. I was planning a visit home when I was about 25 years old and had three children and was stressing about what I was going to wear when I got home. Then I caught myself and said, "why are you worried, you have a husband who loves you and thinks you look great. Don't worry about what your dad thinks!" When I arrived home my dad hugged me and told me how proud he was of me and my family and that I looked great and always took such great care with my clothes. It was just what I needed to hear and I'm sure he doesn't remember that time he hurt my feelings.

    1. It's true that some people say things that are hurtful without even realizing. I'm so glad you were able to have a good experience with your dad to help you forget the one that made you uncomfortable around him.