I was talking to my friend yesterday about how, where my writing career is concerned, I've felt like I'm riding a roller coaster, especially the past few weeks. One day I'll be happy and anxious to start on a new project and the next . . . well . . . this picture pretty much sums it up.
The thing is . . . I used to love the roller coaster. The thrill of the ride. The anticipation as the thick cables and chains pulled the cars to the top of the arc. The way you could see forever while you crest the peek and the sinking feeling as your stomach seemed to rise up in your throat as the coaster plummeted to the deepest valley and then began its ascent to the top again. I loved the way the wind blew through my hair and that you could scream at the top of your lungs and everyone understood. Everyone knew what you were feeling because they were going through the same thing and screamed right along with you. And then when you were done, how you could hardly walk and felt like you wanted to puke, but dang if you didn't get right back on and do it again.
Well, I still like the highs, but that sinking feeling and the desire to scream at the top of my lungs doesn't seem to bring the same thrill that it used to. And to be honest, I'm not too happy with the shaky legs and the urge to vomit the contents of my stomach all over the place. And then there's the feeling of loneliness, like I'm the only one on that coaster and the only one screaming, even though, deep down I know I'm not.
The worst part is I don't seem to be able to get off the ride, not even for a brief rest. When I finally think I'm going into the little station and I'll be able to get off and rest for a while, someone hits the switch and the ride starts all over again. It's getting to the point where I just close my eyes and hold on for dear life, not even enjoying the high points and the view anymore. So how do I get off, or at least learn to enjoy it again? I'd love to hear from you if you've been through something similar or have some great advice. In the meantime, I'll be the one screaming
"GET ME OFF THIS RIDE!"