It's how I grew up.
Not a day goes by that I don't hear the berating voices of my past telling me I'll never amount to anything. That no man in his right mind would ever want to marry a girl who's fat. That my dreams are stupid and I'll never have them.
Fifty. Long. Years. And I still allowed that person in my life control how I feel.
Until this past weekend.
HE called. HE fed me a guilt trip about not being where he thought I should be, WHEN he thought I should be there.
But I didn't cry. I didn't cave.
The inner child that's been hiding from him for so long, stepped out from behind the crumbling wall and took a stand.
NO MORE!! That's what I said. THAT is what I meant as I poured my heart out and said the words I'd been holding back. But he didn't care. Only pushed more blame in my direction until the phone went dead, my finger pressed firmly on the OFF button.
And for the first time in my life . . . I feel FREE!Truly free to move on with my life and become the person I want to be. No more trying to please someone who doesn't care about me. No more worrying I won't measure up to his expectations. No more working myself into a nervous mess each time the thought of seeing him or being around him creeps into my mind.
Regret?
Maybe for the person I always wanted him to be. The person I NEEDED him to be, especially as a child. But not for what I've done. Not for who I am now. NOT for who I WILL become.
I. AM. TRULY. FREE.
Does someone in your life make you feel less than you deserve? Have you taken a stand when someone did? I'd love to hear about it.
HUGS
This is such a hard, hard thing to deal with. I admire you for being brave and taking that stand. I still hear those whispers too. What's worse, sometimes I hear my mouth speak words I know aren't mine, in a tone I know is hurtful, a tone I heard often.
ReplyDeleteI live in constant fear of becoming like that person who hurt me for so long. But we are smart, beautiful women and we can certainly come out from under their shadow and be who we are meant to be on our own. Nature vs nurture, you know? It's all about what we put in our hearts and how we choose to live OUR lives. :) HUGS
Oh, this is the hardest part by far. I, too, hear my father's voice in me as I speak to my son and others. I hope the choice I've made to distance myself from him will help with that.
DeleteThanks for your kind words and for sharing your story with me.
HUGS
Wow. What guts you have girl. Good for you for taking a stand and for sharing with us. You never know--you might give someone else out there the courage to stand up for themselves.
ReplyDeleteYep, I've been there. With a boyfriend. With family. And it's hard. So, so hard.
((hugs)) You're definitely not alone! And I love to cheer this new, braver, FREER girl on!!
Thanks, Ali. Your constant support is one thing that gave me the courage to stand up for myself. You're such a great example.
DeleteHugs
Chris...........you hsve dealt with this somewhat longer than I have, but to date it has not gotten any better...it is hard to be a friend to someone who wants to berate you all of the time....so I have given up. The final slap in the face was what happened when your grandma died!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBE STRONG....YOU ARE THE BETTER PERSON
I'm sorry about what happened and I don't blame you for being upset. You were once his best friend and how you put up with him as long as you did is beyond me. Thanks for your support and for the love of your family.
DeleteHUGS
This is so inspiring... and it really gives me the confidence that I have needed for so long. As a baby I was given up by my biological father because I wasn't "good enough" for him and his family. Even coming in contact with him years later STILL gave me a tight chest and I constantly felt like I was being sized up. It shouldn't matter what he thinks though, because we'll grow up to be the better person right? We'll be free and there is nothing that they can do to bring, tear, and drag us down! We're strong women and no one can tell us who we are and aren't, that's OUR decision. I will choose who I please, when I please, as I see fit. My heart goes out to you, and all the other woman who have had that HIM that ruined things and crushed our souls into such confined and dark spaces. Finding the light, and being able to feel it for that first time-that freeness- reminds me that this can only be the beginning of something great.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for what you've been through. I hope you have founds someone in your life to love you the way you deserve to be loved. For me, it is my husband and two sons. They're all I need now.
DeleteThanks for sharing your story.
HUGS
I know exactly how this feels. I have multiple people in my life who belittle me, told me I would never be anything. Told me that I will be a stupid bum forever. And it is a HARD thing to go through.
ReplyDeleteMusic has helped me get through it, as well as reading of course! And while I am forced to continue dealing with the person, this post is very inspirational and uplifting. And it gives me hope.
There is one song that has been recently helping me get through these hard times. "The Curse" from Rigoletto (soundtrack). If you get a minute, you should look up the lyrics and listen to the song. It is truly inspiring and tells how there is no worse evil curse than the one we give ourselves. Allowing someone else to control your life is truly an evil curse that only you can stop.
Thank you so much for sharing this experience!
Konstanz Silverbow
nothoughts2small.blogspot.com
thewriterace.blogspot.com
Thanks for hooking me up with this song. I'd never heard it before and you're right. The words are touching. Music is a huge part of my life and the healing process, so I totally get this. Thanks for sharing it with me.
DeleteHugs
You are an inspiration. but no, I haven't taken a stand. I've always been told that love must be given no matter what. as long as I don't hear them telling me I'm a fool for following my heart, then I won't need to explode and tell them exactly how I feel. you're an inspiration to many of us :) so glad you finally took a stand.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Arianne. Don't ever let someone crush your dreams and put you down. You're an amazing woman and friend.
DeleteHugs
Way to go, girl! I am truly inspired. I wish I had that kind of courage. Instead of saying anything I just shut those people out of my life, too scared to let them know how much their words hurt. You give me hope that someday I may be strong enough to stand up for myself. I am so, so proud of you!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Karen. You've been such a great friend.
DeleteHugs
Jesus Christ loved perfectly, but He took a stand when things weren't right - He cleansed the temple. :) Sometimes taking a stand is part of loving.
ReplyDeleteChristine, I'm so proud of you, not only for taking that stand, but sharing it here. You are a strong, amazing woman.
Thanks, Tristi.
DeleteYour words help put things in perspective. I really appreciate that and your kind words.
HUGS
It has been 4 years since I stopped speaking to that person. She was my mother and I took it for 24 yrs and couldn't stand watching her do it to my brother, sister and father anymore. I have never regretted my decision for MY little ones sake. They will never know her and it's better that way. I applaud you for taking a stand and hope you continue to for years to come. I am still getting pressure from certain family members to let her back in, but I just go to my folder with a ton of the things she called me and lies she told everyone else so they didn't feel the need to help. Thank you for sharing your story I needed to read this today.
ReplyDeleteThank you so, so much for sharing your story. I know there are others out there like us, who have to endure verbal and emotional abuse, but hearing personal stories of survival helps me focus on my future and not dwell on the harsh words that were said.
DeleteHUGS
ANONYMOUS - Stand strong. You did the right thing.
DeleteHUGS
Just came back to read this again as I am finding out through the grapevine her side of the family an aunt in particular are going to try to {patch} things up between us. I don't want to and my DH is standing behind that but it is a constant struggle not to give in to make {others} happy! Hopefully by me telling the grapevine the fact that she only wrote 1 letter and 2 emails after I stopped communication tells the whole story for me. She didn't even contact me when my 4 month old was in the Cardiac ICU waiting on a Heart transplant and then passed away! Tell me she cares one more time is how I am feeling!! I will continue to come back to this page often! Thinking of you and hoping you the best as well.
DeleteDang! I hate when people stick their nose into things like this. I spoke to my sister last night about my situation and I think she understood, but I got the "he's nice to ME" thrown at me a couple times which stung a bit. Hang in there and do what you feel is best for you and your family. You don't need negative people in your life.
DeleteAnd I totally get the part about your 4 month old. I had a son with a heart defect that was only supposed to live 6 months. Miraculously, he made it to 29 years of age, but when he died, NOT ONE PERSON from my family came to my house to comfort me. Most of them live within 30 minutes, so there was no excuse. I needed them and they weren't there.It's that simple.
HUGS
Isn't it lovely when they make it your problem?!? I can't tell you how many times I have heard " Have you talked to someone about this?" Thats not the point! It doesn't matter who I talk to I am not going to let anyone treat me that way anymore!
DeleteSo sorry for your loss. That is amazing he lived to 29. So sorry there was no one to comfort you then and now as it never gets better only easier. Cyber Hugs tri-fold coming to you. I just started a blog about my family if you are interested stop by sometime. Look forward to reading more from your blog.
www.lovelaughterandlipstick.com
My friend....my blood....my sis. I love who you are....I adore who you are becoming! Stand strong, Father is pleased that you are finally standing and becoming who He knows that you can be.
ReplyDeleteI am here for you
Janese
I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I've had the same thing with my mom and a previous friend. It's so hard to put your foot down sometimes. I'm glad this worked out so well for you. We all need to keep those that are positive in our lives and get rid of the negative. It doesn't bode well for our health.
ReplyDeleteNo one should have that kind of power over anyone. I'm glad you ended the vicious cycle. I have a sibling who blames me for my ex not going to jail for what he did and never loses an opportunity to throw the facts into my face. No matter what successes I have in that area (as taking him to court to get his taxes he hasn't filed for years to pay child support he owes), it's never good enough. I believe God wants us to forgive people for their short-sightedness, yes, but he also doesn't want them pulling our lives down and destroying our spirits. He wants us to stop shrinking before them. I did that this past weekend. I trust in God and in a favor-filled future, not more of the same. Justice will be done.
ReplyDeleteWhat a powerful influence for good your are becoming. Facing our fears strengthens others to do the same.
ReplyDeleteA friend gave this quote to me a couple of years ago - it has made a tremendous impact on me.
"You are a child of God! Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others." Nelson Mandela - 1994 Inaugural Speech
You are so much stronger than you think!