Aug 2, 2013
Depression Takes Over
There. I said it.
It's plagued me for years, but I've always been able to push it away with and without medication. I'd gotten so used to having it around, it didn't seem to bother me much and it certainly didn't control my life for any length of time. Maybe in spurts when things weren't going well, but for the most part, I've been able to . . . well . . . FAKE it. I guess that's the best way to describe it.
While people are around, I put on a happy face and pretend to be upbeat and positive. I even manage it online for the most part. Don't get me wrong. I do have a lot of wonderful days and I do seem to look on the bright side of things most of the time. But on those rare occasions when I'm down, I have a multitude of masks I can wear so people don't know.
Now is NOT one of those times.
Since my near-death health scare, I've been gradually sinking deeper and deeper into a dark hole. I don't think I realized it until this past week when tears started flowing for no apparent reason. I've managed to push my friends and family away and withdraw from most of my online groups and media venues because I didn't want this "mood" to rub off on anyone else.
No. That's not exactly true.
I didn't want anyone to know I was wallowing in self-pity. I write for teens and I want to be a good example and uplift them, not drag them down.
UGH!! I hate this.
Anyway, the reason I tell you this is because I'm not writing much. I feel horrible about it, but whenever I open up my word document I just sit and stare at the letters on the screen and nothing comes. It's not that I don't know the story. I have the whole thing outlined and planned out to the last sentence. I've just lost that burning desire to tell the story and I'm not sure how to get it back. I need my cup filled. I need to feel like I do when I get back from a writer's conference--all rejuvenated and inspired to be the best at what I do. I need great words of encouragement from my friends, family, fans, and writing buddies.
Sooooo . . . GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT!! Inspire me. Uplift me. Kick me in the butt so I can get back to writing. Whatever it takes. I'm ready, so let me have it.