It's how I grew up.
Not a day goes by that I don't hear the berating voices of my past telling me I'll never amount to anything. That no man in his right mind would ever want to marry a girl who's fat. That my dreams are stupid and I'll never have them.
Fifty. Long. Years. And I still allowed that person in my life control how I feel.
Until this past weekend.
HE called. HE fed me a guilt trip about not being where he thought I should be, WHEN he thought I should be there.
But I didn't cry. I didn't cave.
The inner child that's been hiding from him for so long, stepped out from behind the crumbling wall and took a stand.
NO MORE!! That's what I said. THAT is what I meant as I poured my heart out and said the words I'd been holding back. But he didn't care. Only pushed more blame in my direction until the phone went dead, my finger pressed firmly on the OFF button.
And for the first time in my life . . . I feel FREE!
Truly free to move on with my life and become the person I want to be. No more trying to please someone who doesn't care about me. No more worrying I won't measure up to his expectations. No more working myself into a nervous mess each time the thought of seeing him or being around him creeps into my mind.
Maybe for the person I always wanted him to be. The person I NEEDED him to be, especially as a child. But not for what I've done. Not for who I am now. NOT for who I WILL become.
I. AM. TRULY. FREE.
Does someone in your life make you feel less than you deserve? Have you taken a stand when someone did? I'd love to hear about it.